Babies are a Sign of Hope
— Posted by Annie (June 15, 2006 at 10:19 am)
One of my girlfriends recently had her second baby – a little boy. Of course our first conversation was all about the labor. Women who’ve had children love to talk about their birth stories. Ever since I had my little girl 9 months ago, I’ve found the subject fascinating. I like to hear how long they were in labor, how the labor progressed, how it compared to the first time, etc.
Listening to my friend talk about her birth story reminded me of my own. I wondered what it would be like the second time around should we be blessed with more children. Then I started thinking about what it means to want more children. To be honest, when I was in the middle of my 19 hour labor, I remember very clearly thinking that this was it. I was not going to have any more children. This baby was going to be our first and our last.
So why would I or anybody else want to have another baby? It’s really hard work! Even for the woman who gets an epidural, she still has to go through quite a bit of labor. And then there are the c-sections. Your body is cut open to get your baby out!
Almost any woman will tell you that right after she gives birth is not a good time to ask her about future children. But after some time passes, most women, including myself, start thinking about baby #2. I believe this is a great sign of hope. In spite of all the pain a woman must go through to bring her little one into the world, not only is she is grateful for that little life, but she is willing to go through it again.
The way I see it, life, though filled with pain is still good. Even in the deepest, darkest moments, life is good because there is always hope. A child is a sign of that hope. After all the pain, all the hard work, all the tears and agony, a beautiful thing happens both in labor and in life – a new life is born.
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mary kay says:
Annie,
I watch my granddaughter while her parents work. She just turned 2 months old. When she looks at me with those big blue eyes I am humbled at how this little tiny creature places her complete trust in me. She trusts me to feed her, never to harm her, to keep her warm, and I am further humbled by the fact that her entire well being, in fact her very existence, is in the hands of God. He of course is worthy of my trust…but I recognize the awesome responsibility of living up to my granddaughters trust…
Every baby created by God is completely at our mercy. I have to wonder…how do so many woman and doctors live with the knowledge that they let a tiny, helpless child down. That they broke their trust when they chose to eliminate them…
I pray that I will never let my Charlotte down, and that I will always continue to trust the one who gave her to me. And I pray for the women out there who are contemplating abortion. Please, God, make them understand, that trust is a precious thing. Trust and hope. These are the gifts that our children give us. These are the gifts that we must give them in return, because if you can’t trust your mother, who can you trust?
MK
Comment posted June 15th, 2006 at 2:48 pm
Pansy Moss says:
Annie,
FWIW, I have found my succeeding labors much more enjoyable-yes enjoyable. The first time, you are so unsure what it will really be like. The later ones, you know what you like, what’s happening, and how to run the show. I always look forward to child birth-it is a moment like none other and you truly feel a part of something bigger, iykwim.
Comment posted June 15th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Annie says:
Pansey Moss,
“I have found my succeeding labors much more enjoyable-yes enjoyable. ”
That’s good to know. At one point in during my labor, I turned to my doctor and asked, “how did my mother do this seven times?” He just smiled and told me it does get a little easier with subsequent births. I sure hope so.
My mom is super positive about child birth so that’s the attitude I had adopted. But it was way more intense than I thought it was going to be. And I didn’t have the option of drugs since I did a home birth (and I didn’t want drugs anyway).
I’m still looking foward to the next birth just to see if it is in deed a bit easier, but I’m also nervous. The upside is that I know it ends at some point. And you get an awesome gift in the end!
Comment posted June 16th, 2006 at 12:12 pm
Sunnyday says:
Wonderful post, Annie.
I sure admire people like you who opt for natural delivery. I’m friends with a few women who delivered by lamaze — one of them having her overnight plus additional supplies stashed in the car trunk on her 9th month everytime (she has 3 kids), and ending up being on the wheel when she went into labor. So she just drove herself to the hospital and asked her husband to meet her there. I am truly amazed by stories like this.
I plan to be as brave as you ladies are when the time comes! Thank you for your reassuring words here. =)
Comment posted June 17th, 2006 at 5:44 am
Annie says:
Sunnyday,
I guess there was a part of me that wanted to see if I could do it naturally. It was sort of a challenge. I also didn’t like the idea of a needle in my spine - ouch! Plus I was concerned about what the drugs might do to our little one. It’s a pretty big dose of meds.
From all the stories I’ve heard and all the research I’ve read, the more you intervene from the very beginning (starting with inducing labor unnecessarily) you end up with more complications such as unnecessary c-sections. I wasn’t into that.
Anyway, it’s a natural process and although it was a ton of work and super intense, I made it through. I’ve heard some woman say it’s like running a marathon. It’s hard work, but boy, you feel super accomplished in the end.
Comment posted June 17th, 2006 at 8:56 am
rosie says:
Annie,
I have heard that women who get epidural have much longer labor, so you probably made it way easier on yourself by not having it. Also I have heard that if you are not comfortable in your surroundingd your labor will be longer. I’m not knocking hospital births, you should do what’s comfortable and less stressful.
Comment posted June 17th, 2006 at 11:50 am
Pansy Moss says:
Oh Annie,
I dream of having a home birth, but I have gestational diabetes, which makes the doctors think it is safer to deliver in the hospital. I am not anti-medicine because I do think that in situations like these (where there maybe complications that could arise), that is what hgospital births are for.
I had water births with the last few though. Not only is the water wonderful with pain relief, but it keeps the nurses and hospital personal from being able to bother you.
Sometimes I think I will just deliver at home and say I just didn’t make it to the hospital. The hospital I am delivering at this time does not offer the water.
Comment posted June 17th, 2006 at 3:08 pm
Annie says:
Pansy Moss,
I’m not anti-medication either, although I do think they use it too much. But it definitely serves its purpose when it’s used correctly.
I wish you could experience a home birth as well. But one thing I would like about a hospital is the endless supply of hot water. I didn’t do a water birth, but the hot shower (though limited because of our hot water supply) was grand! I think a water birth would be so great. I may have to try that next time. Maybe you could bring in your own baby pool!
Comment posted June 17th, 2006 at 5:13 pm
Annie says:
Rosie says:
“I have heard that women who get epidural have much longer labor, so you probably made it way easier on yourself by not having it.”
Goodness! I don’t think I could have gone much longer.
My girlfriend had her first at home (and really, really wanted to do a home birth), but she had a 60 hour labor. And she wasn’t exaggerating. She had contractions one on top of the other for the lat 24 hours. It was definitely out of the ordinary. But had she been in the hospital she would have definitely had a c-section even though her baby was never in distress. In the end everyone was healthy, just very, very tired!
Comment posted June 17th, 2006 at 5:17 pm
rosie says:
Annie,
I think i’m going to have a home birth when I have a baby, the midwife I will go with rents the birthing pool out to you. I would like to know what to expect,sure i’ve heard it’s painful but i’ve also heard you get a sort of high after that helps you bond with the baby, is that your experience?
Comment posted June 17th, 2006 at 6:04 pm
Sunnyday says:
Annie, Pansy and Rosie,
Gee, this is like getting a wonderful preview of the whole experience! I’ve got a question about water birth, though. I’ve seen snatches of it on TV (the discovery channel, i think) and I really like the idea of giving birth in water (beneficial to me and the baby), but doesn’t this mean I’ll be in water with blood swirling around the whole time until the baby is finally out? And I hope this won’t be bad for the baby in any way…
I spent a great deal of time in the hospital growing up because my Dad worked there and he and my mom brought me along a lot, so I’m comfortable with the surroundings. I do have misgivings about going into labor and giving birth while there are strangers walking by and chitchatting, and all wearing scrubsuits with the masks which I’m not too fond of. =( Bringing a baby into the world at home instead of the hospital then appeals to me more when I think of this factor.
Comment posted June 17th, 2006 at 7:37 pm
Pansy Moss says:
I’ve seen snatches of it on TV (the discovery channel, i think) and I really like the idea of giving birth in water (beneficial to me and the baby), but doesn’t this mean I’ll be in water with blood swirling around the whole time until the baby is finally out? And I hope this won’t be bad for the baby in any way…
Well, you don’t bleed until after the baby is out, which is usually when you get out. Or some women prefer to labor in the tub and deliver on dry ground. My last they made me get out of the tub,which made for a humorous story in and of itself.
But my first waterbirth, afterwards my dh looked at it and said “I’m glad that that mess is here and I didn’t have to clean it up at home.” I am sure the midwives would have helped and knew how to clean it up though.
I do have misgivings about going into labor and giving birth while there are strangers walking by and chitchatting, and all wearing scrubsuits with the masks which I’m not too fond of.
That is my problem with hospital births too. I would do best in prvacy. I think giving birth is as intimate as conception.
I remember before I had to have my first hospital water birth, I had to go to thsi orientation at the hospital, and after we saw these videos, one lady afterwards asked the instructor (it was her first) “do you have to deliver naked?” and the nurse/presenter said “oh Honey, once you’re in labor, you won’t care”
I said, “no, that’s not true. Fact is, I my labor is always slowed down by the fact that I am always trying to cover myself up”
Comment posted June 17th, 2006 at 9:53 pm
Sunnyday says:
Hmm…I would feel the same way that you did if I were in your place. I mean, there’s some kind of false sense of naturalness in not caring at all that one is in her birthday suit (even if she’s busy giving birth) and other people besides her hubby and the doctor/midwife are around. Modesty isn’t necessarily forgotten during such situations, right? Other women may feel otherwise, but I know I care.
Oh, I haven’t read your birthing story yet! Let me do that now…
Comment posted June 18th, 2006 at 6:35 am
Sunnyday says:
Amazing story! And quite entertaining, too =) I take it Speedy will be amused when you tell him the whole story about how he came into the world =)
You must be athletic, Pansy. My sister was also watching TV while waiting to give birth, outside of the delivery room. When they examined her, she was told that she was already 8-9 cm but she didn’t feel a thing. Then whoa! Out came the baby. Really swift! My sister was a volleyball player for years and is wide-hipped, so I guess the smooth delivery was a combination of those 2 factors.
Comment posted June 18th, 2006 at 6:44 am
Annie says:
Rosie says:
“I would like to know what to expect,sure i’ve heard it’s painful but i’ve also heard you get a sort of high after that helps you bond with the baby, is that your experience?”
It’s really two different realities. You go from working so hard and being in a weird sort of zone and then you have this baby and you just can’t believe that it’s for real. Even though you are pregnant for 9 months and feel your little one kicking (and my little girl kicked a lot!) you still can’t beleive you have a real baby. It’s awesome.
I know that physically it’s best if you can have a vaginal birth for many reason (although sometimes it just doesn’t work this way), but especially because during the labor process you release a hormone called oxitocin - it’s a bonding hormone. Not that those who have c-sections don’t bond, they do, but I’m sure the hormone helps in a lot of ways - maybe even with post-partum, perhaps.
Comment posted June 19th, 2006 at 5:14 pm
Annie says:
Sunnyday says:
“Modesty isn’t necessarily forgotten during such situations, right?”
Actually, maybe it was because I was at home, but I actually didn’t care. I don’t think it’s being immodest, just being natural and you’re in too much pain to really care. But I could see how other woman might care.
I do remember looking through our Bradley book and thinking, “Why is everyone naked?” The woman was naked, the husband had his shirt off (and from the picture he looked naked). It was like everyone had to undress for the birth! Did they not want the baby to feel like the only was in his birth suit?!
Comment posted June 19th, 2006 at 5:20 pm
Pansy Moss says:
“Modesty isn’t necessarily forgotten during such situations, right?”
Actually, maybe it was because I was at home, but I actually didn’t care. I don’t think it’s being immodest, just being natural and you’re in too much pain to really care. But I could see how other woman might care.
But in a way that is still modesty. Gosh, I hope this is not too scandalous to say, but it is not “immodest” to be unclothed when you are alone with your husband, but it certainly is around strangers. It is kind of the same thing in the privacy of your own home. Granted there are other people around like your midwife (who you have grown a relationship with), but it is still limited. In the hospital you have L & D nurses you never met before, interns or residents sometimes coming in and out, whatever doctor on call, sometimes the OB resident…
Comment posted June 19th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
Annie says:
“In the hospital you have L & D nurses you never met before, interns or residents sometimes coming in and out, whatever doctor on call, sometimes the OB resident…”
I guess that’s true, but I’m not sure it’s wrong to not care around them either. I think it depends on the woman. I wouldn’t say a woman was being immodest if she didn’t even care if some random intern came around. I think she would be more annoyed of the noise and extra people than that someone saw her naked or in a vulnerable position. But I can’t speak from experience because it was only my doctor, husband and me.
Comment posted June 19th, 2006 at 6:25 pm
sunnyday says:
Yes, I believe that the birth occurring at home in the presence of only loved ones plus the MD/midwife makes a whole lot of difference here than when it’s in a hospital with other people milling about, and with all that noise. =)
“Did they not want the baby to feel like the only was in his birth suit?!” — Annie, this made me laugh out loud! Heehee, you’ve got a point there ;-D
Comment posted June 20th, 2006 at 12:09 am
Pansy Moss says:
I wouldn’t say a woman was being immodest
Oh no. I wasn’t trying to imply a woman would be less virtuous, just I can understand how this could be more uncomfortable.
it was only my doctor, husband and me.
That is the other problem here-it is illegal for doctors and CNMs to do homebirths here (New York State). If you do a homebirth, you have to find a lay midwife willing to attend.
I am hoping where I live is not too far from any lay midwives, and even though I might get GD again, it may not be an issue if I promise to take good care of myself, and since I really feel like I know what I’m doing.
Comment posted June 20th, 2006 at 5:26 am
John says:
Pansy said: “That is the other problem here-it is illegal for doctors and CNMs to do homebirths here (New York State). If you do a homebirth, you have to find a lay midwife willing to attend.”
And I thought here in the Land of Lincoln we had it bad. Here, malpractice rates are astronomically high, especially when it comes to labor & delivery, so OB-GYNs have left in droves to practice in neighboring states (especially Wisconsin).
But the fact that homebirth by a doctor is illegal–illegal!–in the People’s Republic of New York is astonishing.
Comment posted June 20th, 2006 at 10:55 am
Pansy Moss says:
–in the People’s Republic of New York is astonishing.
For some reason “liberal” means “overlegislating the heck out of people”. On another thread someday, I’ll whine about the hoops they make homeschoolers jump through.
Comment posted June 20th, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Sunnyday says:
Hmm, interesting. Why exactly is it against the law for a doctor to do homebirths in NY? And what’s a CNM?
There sure are a lot of laws over there, even the minutest details are really emphasized (which has its advantages, of course, which need no explanation). At the same time, I can see the possible downside of such emphasis on medical malpractice in the law; in my country, when such a bill in Congress was being deliberated, many from the medical community protested and explained the possibility of the doctor-patient relationship being undermined. Doctors would be overly concerned about being sued, thereby recommending every little test to the patient (some of them unnecessary) — which could end up being disadvantageous to poor people because they’ll be drained of their resources.
I can see both sides, though.
Comment posted June 20th, 2006 at 6:18 pm
Annie says:
On a total tangent (sort of), can anyone tell me about baby #2? We hope to do another homebirth should we be blessed with more children. My doctor has to drive about an hour to get to our house. I’ve heard that #2 sometimes comes super fast. Although I would love this, what if my doctor doesn’t make it in time!?
Comment posted June 22nd, 2006 at 9:02 am
rosie says:
Annie,
2 of my sister in-laws delivered at home with only their husbands there because they weren’t sure if they should call the midwife! Though she was there shortly after. I guess if you feel anything call!
Comment posted June 22nd, 2006 at 9:10 am
Annie says:
Rosie,
Did everything go well? Were they okay with delivering without the midwife?
Comment posted June 22nd, 2006 at 9:15 am
rosie says:
Annie,
There was a little scare with one. He had fluid stuck in his throat and couldn’t breathe but they blew in his mouth and he let out a big scream. The other went fine . They both said they weren’t sure that they were in labor, so I guess the pain isn’t as bad, or at least not the same. A friend said she wasn’t sure she was in labor because she had back labor and she thought she just had gas cramps:)
Comment posted June 22nd, 2006 at 10:12 am
Pansy Moss says:
My number 2 was only like 2 hours, but my number 1 was a total of 6 hours, so it is hard to tell really.
Put it in God’s hands and it will work out.
Comment posted June 23rd, 2006 at 1:11 am