That’s Depressing
— Posted by John (November 10, 2006 at 1:51 pm)
Reason #4832938273 why saving sex for marriage is a good idea:
Sex on Campus: Not as Fulfilling as you Think
By John Bambenek
A recent study in the Journal of Sex Research links depression in women to casual sex. This flies in direct contrast to a campus culture that tries to celebrate “uncommitted sex.” The problem is it flies in the face of our internal nature, and is the case in most emotional matters, comes down hardest on women.
Like most campuses, the University of Illinois hosts an annual celebration of uncommitted sex called “Sex Out Loud.” It presents a generally one-sided account of sex which doesn’t represent reality. Sex has consequences and those consequences are felt mostly by women.
One interesting feature of the study shows that it is more typical for uncommitted sexual encounters to take place between friends instead of strangers. What this indicates to me is that women and men have a hard time in this society relating to each other in non-sexual ways. “Friends with benefits” used to be a joke a decade ago when I was an undergrad, now it’s a sad reality.
The study shows what many on the right (particularly religious) have always known, that sex has meaning beyond the physical. People long to be in an intimate relationship and meaningless sex does nothing but break down those relationships. Women begin to feel like little more than objects instead of people to who deserve to be cherished.
Likely this story will be ignored on campus and the general media but it’s another statement that the sexual revolution got it wrong. [Source]
HT: Pro-Life Blogs
This entry is filed under Culture Wars, Sexuality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Lauren says:
What if you choose not to get married?
Comment posted November 10th, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Annie says:
Then you won’t be married.
Comment posted November 10th, 2006 at 5:08 pm
mary kay says:
If you’re catholic you could become a nun.
MK
Comment posted November 10th, 2006 at 10:03 pm
mary kay says:
Thank you guys for explaining the moderation thing. I could not agree more that profanity does nothing to further a cause…it actually has the opposite effect.
As for the “links”, I didn’t realize they were a problem. (And here I was so proud of myself for finally figuring out how to copy them…pride goeth and all that…)
But I’ll keep them to a minimum.
MK
Comment posted November 10th, 2006 at 10:16 pm
Joe says:
When I was growing up we had a word for women who had casual sex. I won’t write it because it may fall into the “profanity” category. Hmm… I wonder what college kids use that word to describe now.
Comment posted November 10th, 2006 at 10:44 pm
mary kay says:
consequences are felt mostly by women
The above link was awesome.
They are so right. The feminist movement IS obsessed with bodily functions.
I have used that analogy of a candy bar with my 9 year old. Not wishing to get too graphic with her when she was 7, but needing to address some overtly sexual dancing at a 7 year olds birthday party, I told her that all little girls have a candy bar. Many little boys will try to get that candy bar. If they give their candy bar away, those boys will eat their candy bar and then dump the girl, moving on to fresh girls and fresh candy bars. I told her not to even let those boys taste her candy bar, because then no boy would want her candy bar anymore. I strongly suggested (I emphasize “strongly”) that she furthermore, not even so much as unwrap her candy bar. Some girls like to unwrap it and tease the boys. But this too is inappropriate.
However, one day, when she meets the right boy, and they stand at an altar in front of God and everyone, and she has a nice promisory ring on her finger…then, and only then, may she finally share her candy bar. And she will recognize the boy because he will be the one who never tried to bribe, steal or cajole that candy bar away from her. He will be the one who waited, and respected her.
Believe it or not, a few weeks later, she pointed to a window ad in Victorias Secret (sexy angels I believe) and asked if those women were giving their candy bars away…
out of the mouth of babes…
MK
Comment posted November 10th, 2006 at 10:45 pm
mary kay says:
#
Joe says:
Hmm… I wonder what college kids use that word to describe now.
I believe they use it to describe Patricia Heaton…
MK
Comment posted November 10th, 2006 at 10:47 pm
Sunnyday says:
Mary Kay,
That’s a creative way of putting it (the candy bar analogy). And I’m amazed by your daughter’s simplicity. =)
I’ll put this in my blog soon, if you don’t mind.
Sunny
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 12:07 am
Pansy Moss says:
One interesting feature of the study shows that it is more typical for uncommitted sexual encounters to take place between friends instead of strangers. What this indicates to me is that women and men have a hard time in this society relating to each other in non-sexual ways.
My husband and I got pretty young (20). When you get married, all of a sudden it is like the scales drop out of your eyes and you see male/female relationships as they were meant as opposed to how our society dictates. When he and I started dating I realized very quickly that one of the lesser myths of our culture involving sexuality is that men and women can be “friends”. Don’t get me wrong, of course we have platonic relationships with people of the opposite sex. But they are usually people we work with and need to get along with, or souses of our friends, or people whom we know instinctively to have “borders” with.
I mean the notion that a man and a woman can interchange close friendships with men and women (like “my best friend”) is a fallacy. Friendships with the opposite sex are really meant to be what we do when we search for a mate.
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 9:34 am
Rosie says:
“One interesting feature of the study shows that it is more typical for uncommitted sexual encounters to take place between friends instead of strangers”
I have seen this happen before and it always seems that 1 of the 2 is hoping something more will develop and end up being let down and hurt in the end, usually the woman, but not always..
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 10:35 am
Pansy Moss says:
Yes, Rosie, exactly. That has been my experience as well.
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 11:23 am
Lauren says:
“When I was growing up we had a word for women who had casual sex. I won’t write it because it may fall into the “profanity” category. Hmm… I wonder what college kids use that word to describe now. ”
I wonder what word you use to describe men
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 11:23 am
Lauren says:
Hey I want you all do this little activity for me. Take a piece of paper and write down all the profanity words that you can. .. Try not to let anyone see this, because if they see this someone may commit you. Lol.. No seriously, please do it. Be as nasty as you can. This has an important lesson. Tell me once you’ve done it.
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 11:24 am
mary kay says:
#
Lauren says:
wonder what word you use to describe men ”
probably the one you used to describe those priests.
MK
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
mary kay says:
#
Lauren says:
“Hey I want you all do this little activity for me. Take a piece of paper and write down all the profanity words that you can. .. Try not to let anyone see this, because if they see this someone may commit you. Lol.. No seriously, please do it. Be as nasty as you can. This has an important lesson. Tell me once you’ve done it.”
I’m pretty sure that you are going to point out that most of them have to do with sex. But that will probably just prove our point.
Sex has been demeaned to something that you do or talk about in the alley. The reason that they are called profanity is because they profane something sacred.
MK
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 1:49 pm
mary kay says:
pro·fane Pronunciation (pr-fn, pr-)
adj.
1. Marked by contempt or irreverence for what is sacred.
2. Nonreligious in subject matter, form, or use; secular: sacred and profane music.
3. Not admitted into a body of secret knowledge or ritual; uninitiated.
4. Vulgar; coarse.
tr.v. pro·faned, pro·fan·ing, pro·fanes
1. To treat with irreverence: profane the name of God.
2. To put to an improper, unworthy, or degrading use; abuse.
notice, especially, the last definition.
Improper,
unworthy,
degrading use,
abuse.
This is exactly what we are saying is being done to babies, marriage, and sexual relationships.
MK
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 1:55 pm
Joe says:
“I wonder what word you use to describe men”
I would probably call them womanizers. The women they used called them much worse.
I once met a guy at a bar who was bragging about all of the women he slept with. He made a really big deal about how important it was to wake up with someone next to him in the morning. I told him I thought this was a really strange feeling for him to have. I personally really liked being single and was so happy to not have to deal with any complications that modern relationships provided, specifically having to wake up with someone in your bed. With that explanation he looked really sad and confessed that he only slept with a lot of women because he was so lonely. I am not sure why I never felt lonely, perhaps premarital sex is an addiction and once you go down that road, you are stuck pursing that fleeting comfort indefinitely.
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 2:03 pm
Joe says:
“Sex has been demeaned to something that you do or talk about in the alley.”
Modern sex is anyway. I find that once men are married, they don’t talk about sex the same way as single men do. Sex properly done is sacred and people who have it intuitively understand that. People who have the profane kind of sex, use profanity to describe it. This makes a lot of sense to me. Modern sex belongs in the alley with all the filth that goes with it.
Unfortunately for those who practice modern sex, they welcome what belongs in the alley into their homes and bedrooms. I feel sorry for them.
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
mary kay says:
I truly believe that half of the world is lonely. I wonder how many people really connect on a deep level. Every thing is so superficial.
I am so blessed to be married to a man that I’m crazy about, respect, think of as my hero, that can make me laugh, and sometimes make me cry, be my strength when I’m feeling weak, and lean on me when he’s not at his best. I especially love that it’s been the exact same guy for the last 26 years. I can’t imagine waking up to somebody different over and over…
I feel like somehow we have let this generation down. We had these beautiful gifts…marriage, intimacy, children, virtues…and we took them for granted. We didn’t protect them. Now they are broken and our children are left with damaged goods. They don’t even know what these gifts are supposed to do. How could we have let this happen? These gifts are so precious now and rare, that I feel we must treat them ever so carefully so that the few that are left can multiply and slowly we can hand them down to their rightful owners. How hard it must be to be young now. How hard and how lonely. God bless these young people. And God help them.
MK
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 2:35 pm
mary kay says:
After another round with the police today, I was feeling pretty low when I stopped at Jewel (yes, Jewel) on the way home today.
The bagger was mentally impaired. He began to tell me about his sister that used to work at Maurice Lenell and then she got epilepsy so she got fired. 6 months later, his father died. He was 12 at the time. His mother died last year.
But then a smile lit up his face and he told that they were all in heaven and watching him. “There are 100 people in heaven waiting for me,” he said.
One hundred people, I thought. What an odd number…
“Because my mother had a birthday party, and there were a hundred people there” he continued, still beaming “and they’re all dead now. So I know that there are a hundred people waiting for me in heaven…”
Rarely is it the big things that can bring you to your knees. Instead it is the small, the weak, or the marginalized that can humble you. A handicapped man bagging groceries, my father in his bed, unable to talk or walk or eat, a little baby born in a stable. Small things. Big humility.
I only hope there are a hundred people in heaven waiting for me.
I only hope I make it to heaven…
MK
Comment posted November 11th, 2006 at 2:43 pm
mary kay says:
http://keyword.netscape.com/ns/boomframe.jsp?query=world+wide+abortion+figures&page=1&offset=0&result_url=redir%3Fsrc%3Dwebsearch%26requestId%3D57f8a34f77e424c1%26clickedItemRank%3D3%26userQuery%3Dworld%2Bwide%2Babortion%2Bfigures%26clickedItemURN%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.johnstonsarchive.net%252Fpolicy%252Fabortion%252Findex.html%26invocationType%3D-%26fromPage%3DNSCPSuggestion%26amp%3BampTest%3D1&remove_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.johnstonsarchive.net%2Fpolicy%2Fabortion%2Findex.htm
I know, I know…it’s another link…I was curious as to how many abortions are performed worldwide and this is the best I could come up with. If you know of a better one let me know.
The bottom line is that it is somewhere around 944 million. Close to 60 million a year.
If you want you can find a list of abortions by country. Japan, US, India…mind boggling.
Some countries abort more babies than are born alive.
The Alan Guttmacher site doesn’t lay it out as clearly but it does back up a lot of it.
It also complains that these abortions aren’t safe enough and we all have a social responsibility to ensure certain countries get better abortion care. Shoot me now. If we have already killed a billion babies and we make it easier to attain abortions, who will be left? I can see it now…the whole world will be populated by nothing but barren woman and abortion doctors… and boys that were allowed to be born in places like India and China…There will be thousands of test tubes filled with frozen embryos and no one that knows how to implant them.
Perhaps instead of better abortion care we need better mental health care…
Because we are all NUTS!
Maybe the whole world needs to undergo an exorcism.
MK
Comment posted November 12th, 2006 at 7:15 am
Mike says:
For those posters in the Chicagoland Area I just wanted to let you know the following…
Last Chance to See Fr. John Corapi!
Father John Corapi
In Arlington Heights, IL
March 9 & 10, 2007
Tickets $45.00
Titiana Will Be Performing The “Passion”
For More Information or To Register
Please Contact Rob Adams (847) 259-4975
If You Missed Father Corapi When He Came To
Sacred Heart/Montini Catholic High School in March ’06,
Now Is Your Chance.
He Will Not Be Doing Any
Speaking Engagements After 2007. Tickets Sell Out Fast.
Mike
Comment posted November 12th, 2006 at 1:45 pm
Lauren says:
45 dollar tickets to see a priest? That doesnt seem right. I hope that money goes to charity.
And no that isn’t what the activity is supposed to present.. Just do it and let me know when you have.
Comment posted November 12th, 2006 at 3:06 pm
Sunnyday says:
Fr. Corapi rocks!! And when he gives his talks, he does so with a certain sense of urgency that makes one really listen and want to take in his words.
You guys in Illinois are so lucky. I wish he’d go to Asia — if he did I’m pretty sure he’d stop by the Philippines… but then getting him on EWTN is good enough for me. =)
Comment posted November 12th, 2006 at 6:39 pm
mary kay says:
Lauren,
In all of our debating, I don’t think we’ve ever asked you and gotten an answer…
Have you ever looked, really looked, at the pictures on “Priests for Life” or any other website that shows abortions…You say you believe early trimester abortions are okay, but have you actually seen a picture up close of what one looks like?
MK
Comment posted November 13th, 2006 at 4:48 pm
mary kay says:
Okay Lauren,
My list is made.
MK
Comment posted November 14th, 2006 at 7:31 am
lauren says:
Yes I have seen the pictures. And they’re magnified. Trust me, I’ve seen a lot more than you think I’ve seen.
You made the list. Now circle all of the words that directly or indirectly insult a woman.
Comment posted November 15th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
mary kay says:
Okay,
my list has 9 words.
2 insult women.
although I am a woman, and they are all insulting as far as I’m concerned.
But I don’t think that’s what you mean.
MK
Comment posted November 15th, 2006 at 6:39 pm
mary kay says:
Lauren,
How can you look at these pictures, and still try to tell me that it’s not a baby, and a woman has the right to do this?
Don’t you question your humanity? Don’t you question your sanity?
Can’t you hear how irrational you sound? You can look at those little arms and legs, those faces, the little tiny rib cages, imagine the pain and the horror of being ripped to pieces like that, and still say that it is right? or worse A RIGHT?
I’m sorry. I just don’t understand. And as much as I respect your opinion on a lot of things, this just challenges me to respect you as a thinking, feeling human being.
Honestly, I’m not trying to be insulting. But it’s like listening to the people who can look at holocaust pictures and still deny that it happened. Or worse, not see why it’s wrong. I just don’t, can’t, understand…
MK
Comment posted November 15th, 2006 at 6:44 pm
Mike says:
Besides looking at pictures on the Priests For Life website, this website is another good place to go and watch on ultrasound an actual abortion take place. You can watch the video from the website…
http://silentscream.org
Mike
Comment posted November 15th, 2006 at 9:17 pm
Lauren says:
I see where you’re coming from MK, but please understand that I view this as a much more trying issue for the woman involved rather than a zygote that doesn’t have the ability to exist outside of the womb. I dont take pregnancy or parenting lightly. I think women have the right to control their destiny and hence their bodies. It’s a sad scenario. We can’t end abortion until we work together and judging by this site it’s never going to happen at least with the extreme elements. The ultra-pro-choice extremists who do believe abortion should be legal in all three trimesters and the ultra-pro-life who believe contraception is a grave sin are never going to see eye to eye. Moderates like myself have a hard time getting by when the two sides are so loud.
Comment posted November 16th, 2006 at 1:13 am
Lauren says:
You only have 9 swear words, my repertoire can give me at least 20 in 5 minutes.
OK think harder. the b-word obviously represents a woman.. even if you call someone a son of a b, you’re still insulting his mother, skank, slut, even the f-word has connotations of violating a woman, w*ore, the s and the a word are the only two major ones that don’t really have a female connotaion. How about the c word and the p word refering to a woman’s anatomical feature? More often than not our language has made us hostile to women. Our culture is hostile to women. I think female pro-lifers tend, but not always, tend to be self-deprecating and lack the ability to be a strong-willed female.
Comment posted November 16th, 2006 at 1:20 am
mary kay says:
Lauren,
You have only managed to fuel my argument. Of course these words attack women. We keep trying to tell you that the whole problem with abortion is that woman and babies are being attacked. While those words are certainly unpleasant, the greatest profanity in the world is condoning women killing their children. When you bring a womans body parts down to the level of alley talk, you bring down the holiness of those same body parts. Once the act of intercourse is turned into a profane 4 letter word, it loses its dignity to a point where the resulting children of said act also become “dirty” and dispensible. If the point of this excercise was to point out that women are treated poorly by society, it was a redundant argument. By virtue of abortion, we already know that woman are manipulated and treated like cattle. That would be our whole point!
You have asked me to look at pictures of children from Iraq. They are heartbreaking. But using your logic, I could claim that they don’t strike a chord with me because the Iraqui people and the american soldiers have the right to protect their bodies. If a few kids have to die, well, bummer. Besides, even if these kids were allowed to live, what kind of life would they have. It’s not as if they were adults. It’s not they can make any decisions as far as the war is concerned.
And which woman on this site, Annie, Pansy, Rosie, Young Christian woman, is self deprecating? Or not strong willed.
I think you will find that Pro-life women are some of the most grounded, confident, at peace with themselves women in the world. This is because we live in the truth.
As for strong willed…You’re kidding right? Me, not strong-willed.
I suppose an amazon woman might surpass me, but other than that…
Do you have any idea how hard it is to confront this issue day after day against a hostile society? To stand in the freezing cold every saturday having the police called week after week? Being called filthy names, being constantly threatened? I promise you, if we were weak we would have packed it in a long time ago.
A woman has to be awfully strong to say no to a guy that wants sex, threatens to end the relationship if he doesn’t get it, or guilts the woman into it. This has been going on since the beginning of time. It is harder to see the bigger picture and forego something that could give you immediate pleasure not to mention “keep the guy”, then it is to say “No, thanks, I think I’ll wait…I’m worth it”…That is real strength. We are not prudes. We have all felt the pull to have sex inappropriately. Real strength is shown by saying no to temptation, not by giving into it.
MK
Comment posted November 16th, 2006 at 6:53 am
Rosie says:
“I think female pro-lifers tend, but not always, tend to be self-deprecating and lack the ability to be a strong-willed female. ”
If you mean by staying home and taking care of her children and making dinner for her husband, well I guess I would rather take care of my husband than some stranger in the workplace who probably could care less about me. Unless of course women just have women bosses, which I think would probably be worse. Women who stay home can and are their own bosses, they can do whatever they want and they don’t have anyone telling them how do do it. I don’t see how having a 9-5 job is so great for a woman. What do they gain besides a paycheck and an ungrateful boss? Even I am given money and I do whatever I want. Strong willed? What is better than raising your children to be likable, responsible, strong in their faith people? Heck, just giving birth to children represents a strong will. Finally, we put up with working women looking at us like we are specks of dirt for taking care of our family, we don’t self deprecate, other women look down on women they don’t approve of and do it for them.
Comment posted November 16th, 2006 at 10:48 am
Pansy Moss says:
I think female pro-lifers tend, but not always, tend to be self-deprecating and lack the ability to be a strong-willed female.
Another prejudice and stereotypical assumption.
Comment posted November 16th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
John says:
Lauren said: “I think female pro-lifers tend, but not always, tend to be self-deprecating and lack the ability to be a strong-willed female.”
Obviously you’ve never attended a Pro-Life Action League staff meeting.
Comment posted November 16th, 2006 at 2:56 pm